I never really understood how women could get cheated on or lied to and still stay married. It used to frustrate me. I felt like that woman didn’t value or respect herself. I felt like that woman was too insecure or afraid to be alone. I always said if my husband ever lied or cheated I would leave him. Until that woman became me.
So here I was, broken, hurt, confused, I felt alone but I knew I wasn’t. I remember crying out to God to help me through this. I was ready to give up on our marriage. If he didn’t care why should I? I saw every reason for me to leave. I felt like I could never get over this. Like I could never trust him. Like we would never be the same. This was a helpless situation in my eyes. It was in that moment when I couldn’t make sense of what happened that God just spoke to me. While all this was happening, through the tears, God gave me that indescribable peace. I don’t know if this makes sense, but I was hurt, broken and sad but at the same time I had peace. I didn’t know what else to do but to pray and worship. We have a son, we have been together for 10 years. What happened?? I just kept asking, Why!? We were good. We were best friends. How can he lie to me? We had a great marriage. Then for a second, I questioned myself, but thank God for the Holy Spirit. I knew it wasn’t me.
My husband was going through something. He didn’t know better. He didn’t have the relationship with God that he thought he did. He was going through things that he didn’t even know were there. I prayed and prayed and just felt so bad for him. I was overwhelmed with compassion but not because “I’m such a great person” but because of how amazing God is. God just showed me how broken we are and how we can do horrible things but He forgives us. He gives us new mercies everyday. So how can I turn away from this man that I’ve loved, this man that has been so great to me, this man that has been such an amazing father, this man that I vowed to spend the rest of my life with through the good and the bad?
He made a mistake. As much as it hurt me, I knew God had my back. So I was willing to forgive him but he still had to leave. That was my mentality, he needed consequences for his actions. I agreed to speak to our church marriage counselors and that changed everything. I had to make a choice. I was reminded that the things we go through in our lives are not just for us, but to help others. I wanted to be an example and trust that God will restore us and use us and our marriage to glorify Him. So for the first time in our relationship I looked at my husband with such vulnerability and told him I was willing to try but that he had to be just as willing.
It wasn’t easy. I don’t think marriage is ever easy but when you have God in the center He will amaze you with what He’s willing and capable of doing. The pain doesn’t go away over night. I still cried myself to sleep. Still questioned if this was the man for me. I felt physically and emotionally disconnected. It was the hardest thing for me to do. I knew that I had to trust God with my husband. That I had to just show kindness and compassion. That every time a negative thought popped up or I was reminded of what I went through that I had to replace those thoughts with God’s truth. I learned that the enemy will try everything to keep your household divided. That in itself encouraged me to keep trying. To keep pursuing God. To keep trusting. I knew God was able!
Sometimes we won’t get answers as to why things happen to us. Why “good people get hurt.” Why people do the things they do, but I have learned that we don’t need to know the whys. It’s not about the trials we go through, but how we obey God through those seasons. How we show love, forgiveness, mercy and compassion even when we don’t think they deserve it. Guess what? WE don’t deserve anything God has given us. WE don’t deserve Jesus paying for our sins at the cross but God gave his one and only son for us becuase he loves us that much! There was no way that I could have turned my back when God has shown me so much love and greatness. I trusted Him and He did what He said He would do. He restored our marriage and our hearts. No we are not perfect we are just willing to allow God to do what only God can do.
Maybe someone hurt you. Maybe you want to give up on your marriage. I’m here to tell you that this season you are going through is not where you’ll stay if you are willing to surrender it to God. Are you willing to forgive? I get it. Forgiveness is HARD, but resentment and bitterness is an even HARDER pain to hold on to. Ask God to allow you to see that person or those people who hurt you how He sees them. They probably have never felt loved; they probably have gone through some horrible things themselves. The truth is hurt people, hurt people. So I encourage you to love freely, to forgive always and remember that you can’t do it alone. God will lead your way.