I have mentioned this before but, I loved being single. I was that girl who was content not having a man. I have traveled the world, hung out with a different girlfriend every night, always had an event to go to and had someone to celebrate; it with was not bad, ever. I would drive by myself to Virginia to visit my friend in college. I had the freedom to do spontaneous things. It makes me sad when women are not content in their own singleness. That is the time you have to develop and become the women God wants you to be. You have so much freedom and opportunity to learn who you are. Focus on that so when you do enter a relationship, you’re not insecure and you won’t settle because you know who’s phony and who is the real deal.
The reality is, before you give your heart to a man, it belongs to God. This truth will help you not give your heart to just anyone who shows you attention. You will be able to decipher if this person you’re giving your time to values you or if you’re just settling because you know how God feels about you. As clearly stated in the Bible:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her – Ephesians 5:25
Besides giving His life for the church He also: loves the church; protects the church; brings healing; comforts and affirms to name only a few. But this blog is about enjoying your singleness, not about finding a man that will be the next one. I truly believe if you belong to Christ and know that you are already a bride, then you would not be so fixed on trying to be in a relationship, because you are already satisfied in CHRIST!
I was recently reminded by one of my friends that it was a journey to appreciate and enjoy my singleness. Below is a list of things I did in my singleness that kept me going in that season. I hope you are encouraged and maximize your time being single since it is a great season for appreciation of yourself instead of wishing for something you don’t have. Here are some ideas on what you can do:
- Hang out with too many couples and you’re going to think you need to be boo’ed up. All the circles I interacted with were ladies who were single. That was so helpful because I wasn’t around those who had the mindset of dating and worried about catering to their man. We had the same freedoms and we were able to enjoy life together.
- I gathered a group of women for a study
Too many Christian women think that the inner longings of their heart relate only to love, marriage and motherhood. Look a little closer and you’ll realize that longing isn’t ultimately for Jesus. (page 13)
- I always had an event
I was always planning hangouts, going to concerts, conferences, traveling, going on road trips and volunteering for any opportunity I came across. I am the type that if I am not busy then I am bored. I can only assume many of you are similar where if you don’t keep busy then you tend to focus on what you think is missing, instead of taking advantage of the time you have. Use these moments and fill it with things that matter and bring you closer to the goals and aspirations you have for yourself.
- Reach a point that whether in a relationship or not, you’re good and still happy
- Lastly, this is my favorite thing that a wise woman told me to do, and it blew my mind because it worked for me. Make a list of what you’re looking for in a man. Honestly, I did this when I was about 17 years old and I left the list in a journal and went about my life. I wasn’t fixated on reviewing my list and checking it twice to match against all the guys I met. I spoke to God knowing he saw what I wrote and I left it alone. It is not a prayer that needs to be had every night. God knows! Just do what God is calling you to complete and you will get everything you ask for like I did. I went back and found that list and I realized Kevin had everything on that list! I totally wasn’t expecting that at all, but God wants to give you the desires of your heart. Please don’t be overly shallow and unrealistic. Be honest with yourself. Be genuine with what it is you really want and let God do his work.
So this is a picture of my list that is in one of my journals. The reason for the strong comment was because, in my mind, my husband has to be able to pick me up without struggling. I was probably watching Dirty Dancing and wanted to be able to do that lifting scene in the movie when that was added. I am still heavy but hey I got what I wanted.
I still don’t know why I put plays an instrument, but he plays two so he just made the cut.
Scripture time! Matthew 25:1-13
There is a story in the Bible regarding the 10 virgins. Five were wise and brought oil with them and five were foolish and did not. To summarize, the moral of the story was to be prepared when the Groomsman Redeemer comes for his people and don’t get caught slipping, because you weren’t ready. Always keep watch and be on guard because nobody knows when Jesus is coming back. So yes, it is about the kingdom but it can also be used as a teaching for preparing for a husband. If you’re waiting around for your ideal man and you come empty-handed, it will not be the most fruitful relationship. It will take a lot longer to prepare for the season of marriage because what you should have learned about yourself while being single will now be learned during your relationship with distractions. So do yourself a favor and get to know yourself. Figure out what you want without a man. Be who God created you to be so that you won’t crumble when your significant other disappoints you. You will already have faith in your first love. Jesus.
Even before you get a husband, you are already a bride because you belong to Christ and aren’t going into a relationship without experience, because your time has been properly spent with the creator of this world. Get to know him so well that he guides all the decisions you make. I have been the bride of Christ for so long that when it was time to be engaged to Kevin I was overflowing with expectancy because I spent my time while being single effectively. I knew I wasn’t missing out on anything.