Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
I still don’t “feel” like I am married. I am not even sure what it is supposed to feel like. I am curious to know if any other married women feel different. What does feel different is having to share my space with a whole man who doesn’t close the shower curtain and has other little habits I am still trying not to get an attitude about. Haha But doing life with another person is definitely fun. We have a real partnership. I was so used to doing everything on my own and now he is here with me all the time. I have a companion. Truth be told we’re both so genuinely happy and I believe the honeymoon stage will never end.
My favorite part is being able to know in my heart that I am honoring God by being married and living with him. When Kevin and I first started dating we both lived with our parents. Since about March 2018, I have had my own apartment and he was coming over a lot more than he usually did and after we got engaged he was here every day unless I kicked him out. I was not a fan of this living arrangement mainly because I was a leader at church, my parents are pastors we lead the youth group and I just didn’t feel it was the example we wanted to set for the kids. So we moved up our wedding date to December 16th and I believe it was the best decision. There is so much freedom and it feels right.
I am not sharing this to pass judgment or make people feel bad these are just my own views about living together and not being married that I have for myself. If you’re cool with living with your boyfriend/girlfriend or fiancé then that’s fine but for me personally, I would not have lasted playing the role of a wife for a man that isn’t my husband any longer than I already had. It got old quickly because it was messing with my spirit. You know when something is wrong or off sometimes you listen and other times you just let the anxiety rise and suppress the feelings to not lose what you have. Living together and not being married for 4 months was not one of my proud moments but I learned a lot between Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts with my parents, Resting Place School of Ministry and the therapist that helped prepare me for marriage. I am so glad I allowed myself to go through the preparation process and instill principles of life I needed to know prior to getting married. We were also not intimate during this time, which thankfully did not get in the way of us preparing for the next step. When God says in his word that you should wait until marriage it is for a reason. He is helping you to avoid a lot of heartaches that you were never meant to endure. He doesn’t want you to have soul ties with multiple men that will be gone the day he doesn’t want to be with you any longer. So be so careful with moving in with different partners because it can be a very sticky situation.
What I would say is if you’re living with your boyfriend have the conversation about taking the next step. If you’re looking to spend the rest of your life together, why wait to get married? What is it you’re actually waiting for? If you’re both down for forever then start now. If it is not time to have the big dream wedding, then do it when you have the money but at least you can call him your husband and work toward creating the day of your dreams together. Waking up next to my stink breathe is always a pleasure and I look forward to that for the rest of my life. Telling him how much I love him and hearing him tell me how much he loves me every morning. I don’t think that will ever old. It does not feel different because we’re married it just feels like we’re doing the right thing. I don’t feel pressure or judgment from others or myself because I am a married woman and I get to do married things freely if you know what I mean.
One common quote I have heard is getting married is just a piece of paper and if that is all you think marriage is then maybe it is not for you. What I have learned is that it is about serving each other and making life a little easier because two is better than one. Your marriage is not based on your wedding day but on all the work you put into building a life with another person. Lisa wrote a blog piece you can read called Patience Makes Practice – don’t plan a wedding and forget to plan your marriage. Rome was not built in a day and neither is marriage. So read books, take pre-marital classes, talk about expectations, unconscious roles, unmet needs, finances, kids, because you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. Be honest and open because anything based on a lie will not properly flourish.
God did not make me feel bad for the way I was living it was my own standards that I had set for myself that I was living by that I felt I was not living up to what I wanted for myself. And I had to be true to myself and the life I wanted to live. I knew even though it was not right in God’s eye it did not change his love for me. God did not stop talking to me because I sinned. He still had me in places where he was using me. Even though God doesn’t change on us when we’re not living right I would never use that as an excuse to continue living in a way that doesn’t please God because I love Him.
So I leave you with this make decisions that are pleasing to God. Honor Him in your relationship. Don’t settle or let anyone take advantage of you because you know you’re worth.
So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. Matthew 19:6
